Mitzvot and Middle School: A Book Review of You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah!

When it comes to comfort films on Netflix, one of my all-time favorites is called You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah! Starring Adam Sandler and his family as well as Idina Menzel, it serves as a fantastic depiction of Jewish life and provides plenty of heart and humor. I recently found out that this amazing film was adapted from a novel by the same name. As soon as I made my discovery, I knew I instantly needed to read the original. 

Written by Fiona Rosenbloom, the book You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah! offers a hilarious glimpse into young adulthood through our Jewish protagonist Stacy Friedman. The novel and the movie follow a similar main arc – Stacy is eagerly preparing for her bat mitzvah party, but middle school drama keeps seeming to get in the way. As the big day approaches, Stacy’s deepening crush on popular kid Andy Goldfarb brings craziness and trouble to her friend group. 

As anyone who’s been through those three years of puberty-infused mess knows, middle school is horrifying enough as is. Just ask a younger cousin who’s currently experiencing it (or if you’re feeling extra brave, take a glance back at your diary from when you were 12). Bringing boy trouble and bat mitzvahs into the equation? It only gets that much worse – or in this case, much funnier. Rosenbloom is an expert at making her readers both laugh and cringe as we witness Stacy’s journey in becoming a young woman. It’s the kind of book you can easily get through in a day, but it will fill you with warmth long after you’ve turned the final page.  

There are a few major differences between the book and the movie. In the movie, Stacy’s parents are played by none other than Adam Sandler and Idina Menzel, who act as a loving duo though they often raise an eyebrow at Stacy’s sky-high demands for her dream bat mitzvah party. Movie-Stacy has an older sister named Ronnie who can often be found rolling her eyes at Stacy’s antics.

In the book, on the other hand, Stacy lives with her mother and a younger prodigy brother named Arthur. Book-Stacy’s mother is recently separated, causing anguish as the mom realizes that her husband has moved on. This makes the book slightly more serious in tone, especially as Stacy witnesses her mother fall into a depressive episode. Yet both the book and the movie brim with hope and positivity even through the tough times, reminding us that even crazy middle schoolers can offer some much-needed optimism. 

The book also has a variety of different moments from the movie and some fun pop culture references – I particularly loved how Stacy described in the opening chapter how she felt like she was in an Olivia Rodrigo music video. Though the general storyline stays the same, the book feels fresh and unique enough that you can easily read it after having seen the movie and still come away with new insights. 

I will admit, You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah! had some hiccups in its writing and character descriptions (I’m looking at you, Book-Stacy’s younger brother Arthur – he may be a genius but there’s no way even the smartest ten-year-old talks like he does in this novel). Yet its charm more than makes up for its flaws. It’s an earnest story about growing up and the power of female friendship. It’s deeply Jewish in nature, not just because of the subject matter but because of its focus on doing mitzvot and spreading chesed in the world.    

This book almost takes on a nostalgic flavor when looking back on what it was like to be that age. The bat mitzvah is such a pivotal point in a Jewish pre-teen girl’s life and it’s fun to reflect on what it was like and how insane it could be. For any Jewish adults looking to take a trip down memory lane to their bar or bat mitzvah days, I would definitely recommend picking up this book (but fair warning, by doing so you will suddenly feel way too old now).